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Executive Fascinated By Electrician's Lunch
NEW YORK—While waiting for an elevator en route to a lunch meeting at Central Park's Tavern on the Green restaurant Monday, Citibank CEO...
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Report: Double Stuf Oreos Could Raise Tolerance To Stuf
EAST HANOVER, NJ—A new report released by the Food and Drug Administration Monday suggests that regular consumption of Oreo's Double Stuf...
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Top 10 Real Reasons Sarah Palin Is Resigning As Governor
10. She's pregnant again and is having John Edwards' baby 9. She's "hiking the Appalachian Trail" with Mark Sanford 8. She wants to spend more time teaching abstinence to her family 7. She's joining the cast of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" 6. She wants to spend more time watching russia from her house 5. She wants to devote herself full-time to making comedians apologize for all the new jokes they're going to tell about her. 4. Her daughter Bristol is actually having Alex Rodriguez's baby 3. She's taking up Playboy's offer to pose nude as part of their upcoming "Governors Gone Wild" issue 2. She came to the end of the Bridge to Nowhere that is her political career 1. She didn't resign at all. It was an elaborate hoax pulled off by Tina Fey Related: Sarah Palin Humor Roundup Funny Sarah Palin Pictures Sarah Palin Cartoons Sarah Palin Jokes 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin quotes Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter
About Friday, July 03, 2009

Area Grandmother Tries Indian Food
BLOOMINGTON, MN—Witnesses report Eileen Rutherford, 78, was overwhelmed by the unusual aromas but appeared delighted when a recognizable pea rolled out of her samosa.
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

[audio] McDonalds Unveils New All-Beef Bun
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Area Woman Will Eat Anything With 'Tuscan' In Name
JEFFERSON TOWNSHIP, NJ—Veterinary assistant Lauren Millardi, 27, will eat any dish prefaced with the word "Tuscan," sources reported Monday....
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Sarah Palin's Life in Pictures
As Sarah Palin prepares to step down as governor, we salute her unforgettable time in the national limelight by looking back at her political life in pictures. OK, they're fake pictures, but they tell a story of a woman who is destined for a higher comedic calling. Letterman Contributed to Palin's Resignation Joking about Sarah Palin's resignation Monday night, David Letterman quipped, "Was it something I said?" As it turns out, the answer is yes. Sarah Palin's attorney, Thomas Van Flein said in an interview with CNN that Letterman's jokes about Palin and her daughter contributed to her decision to resign. "When people don't accept normal bounds of decency making jokes like that about children, maybe this is not good for the state right now," Van Flein said. "And maybe somebody else who is not the subject, and whose family is not the subject of this scrutiny, can move the state forward." So let's get this straight, Palin was prepared to stare down Putin and nuke Ahmadinejad
About Friday, July 03, 2009

Robert Pattinson Says Kristen Stewart Having Identity Crisis
Robert Pattinson says his co-star in the Twilight Series is having an identity crisis and often goes into the fictional personalty of Bella Swan when they are out together. "Our friends and co-workers thought she was just having them on, but she's...
The Spoof Friday, July 03, 2009

Lautner and Pattinson ''Show down'' Wolf finally gone mad
At excatly 2:00 a.m Taylor Lautner was spotted outside of Olive Garden. He seemed very upset about something. A very close source told us that Lautner Apparently was waiting for his co-star Robert Pattinson. The unconfirmed source said that Robert...
The Spoof Friday, July 03, 2009

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