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New Report Calls For Radical Food Changes
A joint report from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Trust For America's Health calls for the appointment of a food czar and the...
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Michael Jackson's Rehearsal 2 Days Before Death
Michael Jackson’s rehearsal with his dancers on 23rd June, just two days before he died. Just a short video though, expect the full DVD to sell like hot cakes when it’s out.
vincentchow Friday, July 03, 2009

Christian Salt Introduced
After reportedly tiring of hearing chefs on television recommend kosher salt, a retired barber has introduced Blessed Christians Salt, which is sea salt blessed by an Episcopal priest. What to you think?
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks
PLANO, TX—"Look at what you've reduced us to," said CEO Al Carey, as he disgustedly held up a bag of Cranberry Spinach Explosion snack chips.
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars
DETROIT—Following the failure of the pizza chain's TV advertisements and coupon flier promotions, the Little Caesars corporate office...
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Opinion: I'm Prepared To Do Anything To Get That Cupcake
There is something quite pressing that I must make clear immediately.I am afraid I am going to have to take that cupcake. That cupcake...
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Lawyer Friend Makes Strong Case For Nachos
HARTFORD, CT—During a night out for dinner and drinks at Shooters Bar And Restaurant, probate attorney Michael Bradshaw built a strong case in re ordering nachos, Bradshaw's friends reported Tuesday.
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

The Climb ft. Ahmir
Too beautiful to not share, even better than Miley’s version.
vincentchow Friday, July 03, 2009

New Nietzschean Diet Lets You Eat Whatever You Fear Most
NEW YORK—By conquering your Fear and eating it in Heroic Portions, one can avoid the Eternal Occurrence of weight gain.
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

Man Going To Taco Bell 'With Or Without You'
BOWLING GREEN, OH—After a series of delays, Josh Brooks, 29, reportedly informed his two roommates Monday evening that he was going to Taco Bell with or without them.
The onion Friday, July 03, 2009

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