"Sarah Palin resigned a year-and-a-half before her term ends because she didn't want Alaska to have a lame-duck governor. Now, she has a book deal presumed to be worth millions. And I cannot wait to read it. I believe on the tenth page, she decides since the book is going to end anyway, to leave the last two hundred pages blank." -Stephen Colbert "If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'" --Bill Maher "To ease tensions, President Obama has invited Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the police officer who arrested him to join him for a beer at the White House. And if that works out, Obama's going to have Ahmadinejad and Netanyahu over for Jaegerbombs." --Conan O'Brien "> "He invited the professor and the cop to come to the White House on Thursday for beer. Alcohol usually cools things off. Have you noticed that? That's where you want to go." -

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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland