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Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV
Scientists recently discovered a new strain of HIV that originated in gorillas but is now infecting humans. What do you think?
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Sports: Hush Falls Over Patriots Camp As Tom Brady's First 10 Passes Go 3 Yards
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Excitement surrounding the return of quarterback Tom Brady devolved into mute panic Thursday as each of Brady's first 10...
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Rapper Not Entirely Sure Who Else Is On This Track
NEW YORK—During a recording session last Tuesday, rapper Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter appeared uncertain as to who else was being featured on...
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Opinion: The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I'm Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals
I can't believe it's really over. Twenty-three years of marriage, done. Signed away with a couple of forms. We used to be so in love. What ever...
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009

[video] U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy.
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes
"Sarah Palin resigned a year-and-a-half before her term ends because she didn't want Alaska to have a lame-duck governor. Now, she has a book deal presumed to be worth millions. And I cannot wait to read it. I believe on the tenth page, she decides since the book is going to end anyway, to leave the last two hundred pages blank." -Stephen Colbert "If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'" --Bill Maher "To ease tensions, President Obama has invited Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the police officer who arrested him to join him for a beer at the White House. And if that works out, Obama's going to have Ahmadinejad and Netanyahu over for Jaegerbombs." --Conan O'Brien "> "He invited the professor and the cop to come to the White House on Thursday for beer. Alcohol usually cools things off. Have you noticed that? That's where you want to go." -
About Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Political Cartoons of the Week
Check out our Editorial cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons. New this week: cartoons on Obama's beer summit, healthcare reform, Obama "birthers", and more. Cartoon Collections Sarah Palin Cartoons Healthcare Cartoons Sonia Sotomayor Cartoons Mark Sanford Cartoons More Political Cartoons Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter
About Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Americans Suddenly Realize Interstate Highways Are Government-Run, Are Outraged
Now, many are up in arms over the largest public works project in history, which has somehow gone unnoticed since the mid-20th century.
The enduring vision Tuesday, August 04, 2009

[audio] North Korea Unprepared For Missile Attack On North Korea
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Tuesday, August 04, 2009


Archived humor news stories.

Available news archives.

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