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Sports: Chase Utley Feels Phillies Teammates Already Like Cliff Lee More Than Him
PHILADELPHIA—Despite having been with the team for more than six years, visibly upset Philadelphia Phillies second baseman Chase Utley told...
The onion Monday, August 10, 2009

John Hughes Dead
John Hughes, director of The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, died suddenly at 59. What do you think?
The onion Monday, August 10, 2009

Little Butterball Holding Up Ice Cream Line
HARRISBURG, PA—According to witnesses who are sweating their nuts off, the line at the Baskin-Robbins is currently 12 people deep, thanks to...
The onion Monday, August 10, 2009

The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes
"The two female journalists held captive in North Korea are saying they were shocked to walk into a room and see Bill Clinton there. That's what they said. Then they said they were even more shocked to see him wearing nothing but a towel." --Conan O'Brien "I want to say happy birthday today to barack obama. The President just turned 48 years old, if he was ever really born, that is. I guess it all depends on whether you believe his 'birth certificate' or not." --Jimmy Kimmel "Obama's birthday is a reminder of why healthcare is so important. As you probably know, due to a lack of healthcare coverage, Obama's mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger." --Jimmy Kimmel "Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical cord around your neck." --Bill Maher "I will show you President Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma."
About Monday, August 10, 2009

Angelina Jolie Found Hiding Behind Trees
After receiving a report of a shot fired near the residence if Angelina Jolie, police say they found the shaken actress hiding in the trees behind her house. "We couldn't get anything from her at first because she was badly frightened as a shotgu...
The Spoof Monday, August 10, 2009

Music Video: Nas-T-Nize
Here, if you need a catchy tone fix. Good work from Xavier Toscano, like it.
vincentchow Monday, August 10, 2009

Rod Blagojevich: Worst Elvis Impersonator Ever
Rod Blagojevich is back, and this time he does to Elvis what he did to the Illinois governor's office. The disgraced former governor, who apparently will do anything for extra scratch these days, was hired by a video production company to impersonate Elvis before a crowd of about 200 people at a street party in Chicago. Blago performs "Treat Me Nice," although as many have pointed out, "Jailhouse Rock" would have been a much better song choice The woman who appears on camera at the 0:47 mark sums it up best: "WTF?!?" Watch the video. (Hat tip to Kind of a Lark) Related: Top 10 Viral Videos of 2009 (So Far) Rod Blagojevich Jokes Funny Blagojevich Pics
About Monday, August 10, 2009

[audio] Upscale Sharks Go Into Tasting Frenzy
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Monday, August 10, 2009


Archived humor news stories.

Available news archives.

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