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Healthcare Humor
A roundup of recent jokes by the late-night comedians on the healthcare reform debate: "If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'" --Bill Maher "President Obama says he will not support a health-care plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option." --Conan O'Brien "And now, there's actual fist-fights that are breaking out in the town hall meetings. And I have to say this, if you get injured while fighting against health care, you have to lie there and bleed. You just do. I'm sorry." --Bill Maher "You know who really is opposed to the Obama healthcare plan? The Republicans. Apparently it does not cover breast implants for their mistresses so they think, 'We don't want it. We don't need it.''" --David Letterman Read more healthcare jokes... See Also:
About Thursday, August 13, 2009

Cost To Raise Child Exceeds 200,000
According to a report from the United States Department of Agriculture, it will cost a total of $221,190 to raise a child born in 2008. What do...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sports: Tony Dungy Casually Asks Michael Vick If Dogfighting Was Fun
HAMPTON, VIRGINIA—During a preseason conditioning workout Tuesday, michael vick's de facto mentor, Tony Dungy, peppered the troubled...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sports: Still-Rattled Padraig Harrington Wears Golf Shoes To Airport, Gets On Wrong Flight, Forgets Name
PAPILLION, NE—Four days after a disappointing final round at the Bridgestone Invitational, during which he gave up a three-shot lead to Tiger Woods, frazzled PGA Tour player Padraig Harrington has been unable to recover from the traumatic...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ex-Wife, Divorce Lawyer Killed As Model Train Careens Off Tracks
KOFSKY BASEMENT—In an accident that model train conductor Howard Kofsky called "a real goddamn shame," an 8-inch passenger car carrying his...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

Moving On Up To The Cheap Side!
Well, hello there, loyal readers. So good of you to drop by. Please, won't you step into the foyer? Or at least point to it and tell me where it...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

[video] Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
Women Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothing and participate in humiliating...
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

In Focus: Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll
GWYNEDD, WALES—Recent developments in the music world, such as the popularity of the Dixie Chicks and Sufjan Stevens, have created a "perfect storm of lameness."
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

Of M&Ms and Interracial Babies
His dad can keep his cool and ask “Huh? With who?”, but his reaction after that was hilarious. WHAT?!?!
vincentchow Thursday, August 13, 2009

[audio] Craziest Thing In World Happens To Area Woman
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Thursday, August 13, 2009

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