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Sports: Bat Boy Easily Holds Shane Victorino Back During Argument With Umpire
PHILADELPHIA—Eight-year-old, 67-pound Phillies bat boy Joey Potts effortlessly restrained Shane Victorino from a dispute with plate umpire...
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

Would-Be Ford Assassin Released
After 34 years in prison, former Manson family member Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme was released from prison today. What do you think?
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower
CINCINATTI—"If you have difficult-to-manage hair and a two-hander to contend with, Pantene Pro V2 has got you covered," said spokeswoman Karen Radcliffe.
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

Bounty, Brawny CEOs Wearing Down Patience Of Mutual Friend
WEST PATTERSON, NJ—Though he has maintained a close friendship with both men for nearly a decade, Miles McCormick, 42, admitted Tuesday that...
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

[video] Reporter In Helicopter Pretty Sure Landslide Down There Somewhere
Intrepid reporter Don Abrams surveys what might be damage from a massive landslide in the Philippines, although it's hard to tell from his altitude.
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

Pathetic Ex-Boyfriend
Go ahead and watch it if you’re not planning to fill your stomach anytime soon. A mix of eww, lol & wtf. (via) My Pathetic Ex-Boyfriend
vincentchow Friday, August 14, 2009

[audio] Airport Security Pig Finds Concealed Truffles
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Friday, August 14, 2009

The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes
"During his weekly radio address, President Obama said we've finally begun to put the brakes on this recession, which is good news. Unfortunately, the brakes were built by General Motors." --Jimmy Fallon "President Obama has been explaining his healthcare plan now to senior citizens. And yesterday, at a town hall meeting, he promised the crowd that he will not, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Then, there was an awkward moment when Grandpa stood up and booed." --Conan O'Brien "These are troubled times, and we need a hero, someone unencumbered by politics as usual. Someone who could kill a moose with one hand and skin a bear with the other. Someone without a job. ... Yes! Like a ship slowly appearing over the horizon to an island of castaways, Sarah Palin has arrived with fresh food, clothing and that little box she keeps next to her bed filled with crazy." --Jon Stewart, on Palin accusing Obama of trying to create "death panels" that will kill her baby (Watch video clip) "Accor
About Friday, August 14, 2009

Tom DeLay Joins Dancing With the Stars
Disgraced former GOP Majority Leader Tom DeLay is set to appear on the upcoming season of ?Dancing With the Stars.? Let the mockery commence: "Does he know the 'Perp Walk?' ?ABC News's Brian Ross "What?s next ? Newt Gingrich on 'America?s Next Top Model'"? ?Politico's Andie Coller "Tom Delay on 'Dancing With The Stars'; First Contestant With Electronic Ankle Bracelet" ?Andy Borowitz "I am afraid when I go to sleep tonight dreams of Tom DeLay getting soaked in the Flashdance chair await me." ?@pourmecoffee via Twitter "DeLay is currently working on a plan to re-district the dance floor lines to unknowingly put the other 'Dancing with the Stars' contestants out-of-bounds." ?The Hotline "It is not known if DeLay will wear spandex and sequins." ?ABC News's Brian Ross "Isn't it interesting that in our society somebody who is indicted for violating campaign finance law is now a celebrity. He ought to be running for prom queen in San Quentin or some place." --CNN's Jack Cafferty Se
About Friday, August 14, 2009

Political Cartoons of the Week
Check out our Editorial cartoon Gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons. New this week: cartoons on the healthcare town hall mobs, death panels, Hillary's snippiness, Cheney's memoir, and more. Political Cartoon Collections Healthcare Cartoons barack obama Cartoons Sarah Palin Cartoons More Political Cartoons Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter
About Friday, August 14, 2009


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