Hollywood, California - Reportedly, Susan Boyle is emotionally blackmailing Simon Cowell. Threatening to make another scandal of herself by having another psychotic breakdown and checking into a Rehab center again, if he does not select her as Paula...

LOS ANGELES - The star of the Bravo Network reality show, My Life On The D-List Kathy Griffin has announced that she wants to have Levi Johnston's baby. Johnston, is the 19-year-old father of Bristol Palin's baby Tripp. When Levi was asked where h...

LOS ANGELES - The managers of Adam Lambert and Kevin Skinner have sent out a press release that the two singers will be going into the recording studio and making an album. The producer of the album is the highly talented Chad Butterbeer who has p...

With Republicans ginning up ridiculous fears that health care reform will create death panels to kill grandma, Bill Maher takes a look at what such a panel might look like. Watch a clip from the American Death Panel Game Show. This Just In: ? Borowitz Report: In Move to Appease Critics, Obama Promises to Extend Health Care Coverage to Morons ? Check out the funniest signs from the town hall protests, courtesy of HuffPost Comedy ? Comedian Dana Gould confronts the angry mobs at the health care town halls in a segment for "Real Time With Bill Maher" ? Jon Stewart rips the cable news networks for giving airtime to the town hall screechers and treating them as experts. Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter

White House officials admit Obama's extreme confidence and total euphoria over "hope" and "change" were symptoms of a prolonged manic episode.

NEW YORK—Eyewitnesses confirm that the unusually quick young man who sprinted past you on the sidewalk this morning carrying a briefcase in...

LOS ANGELES—The Brothers Karamazov will also include 12 separate intermissions, during which portions of the latest John Grisham-inspired film will play on screen.

A collection of cartoons from the issue, plus this week's cartoon Caption Contest.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

"During his weekly radio address, President Obama said we've finally begun to put the brakes on this recession, which is good news. Unfortunately, the brakes were built by General Motors." --Jimmy Fallon "President Obama has been explaining his healthcare plan now to senior citizens. And yesterday, at a town hall meeting, he promised the crowd that he will not, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Then, there was an awkward moment when Grandpa stood up and booed." --Conan O'Brien "These are troubled times, and we need a hero, someone unencumbered by politics as usual. Someone who could kill a moose with one hand and skin a bear with the other. Someone without a job. ... Yes! Like a ship slowly appearing over the horizon to an island of castaways, Sarah Palin has arrived with fresh food, clothing and that little box she keeps next to her bed filled with crazy." --Jon Stewart, on Palin accusing Obama of trying to create "death panels" that will kill her baby (Watch video clip) "It doe