fun stuff / Humor
The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes"There was an article in Vanity Fair that says Sarah Palin -- listen to this, this borders on the creepy -- that what she was trying to do ? was adopt her daughter Bristol's baby. ? Oh yeah, like I'm going to make a joke about this." --David Letterman "But this article is quite an expose. The article claims that Sarah Palin really couldn't see
russia from her house. The article also says that Sarah Palin was not much of a hunter. And I was thinking, I don't know, she killed John McCain's chances." --David Letterman "Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. People are wondering if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway." --Craig Ferguson "They say Jenna will contribute about once a month. It's the same schedule her old man had. ? I just hope she has her father's facility with words. That would be nice." --David Letterman "I read today that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is considering
About Friday, September 04, 2009Gmail Suffers Major OutageAn overloaded Google router caused a shutdown of Gmail on Tuesday, affecting 150 million users for nearly two hours. What do you think?
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009Loser Senior Takes Loser Freshman Under His WingMARGATE, FL—Senior Chris Payack claims to have imparted much wisdom to the freshman, including the locations of bathrooms with working locks on the stalls, the perks of being a media center aide, and the names of sympathetic teachers who will let you eat lunch with them in their classrooms.
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009Yamaha CEO Pleased With Current Production Of Jet Skis, Alto Saxophones, Snowmobiles, Power Generators, Scooters, Golf CartsHAMAMATSU, JAPAN—Despite concerns over the recent global recession, Yamaha Corporation president Mitsuru Umemura announced last week that he...
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009Sports: Arizona Wildcats Freshman Point Guard Already Calling School 'Zona'TUCSON, AZ—In an effort to impress his new University of Arizona teammates, Wildcats freshman point guard Lamont Jones was already referring...
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009In Focus: Magic Ponytail Moves On After Bestowing Boon Of Youth On Area 54-Year-OldANN ARBOR, MI--A magic ponytail departed the head of area mortgage-loan underwriter Art Kauske Friday, marking the end of a successful eight-month-long process of social and sexual rejuvenation for the 54-year-old.
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009[video] Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More EfficientlyWebsites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009Haiti Makes Bid For 2216 OlympicsPORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI—Organizers of the LXXXI Olympiad, which would be held in the capital city of Port-au-Prince, said the event will showcase the many attractions that are sure to be conceptualized, financed, and constructed over the next 207 years.
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson caught on friend's camera!Las Vegas, NV - Fresh from one hit movie sequel and right into a scandal seems the current state of affairs if you're Kristen Stewart these days. It seems very private photos have somehow found their way onto the internet and onto the computer screen...
The Spoof Friday, September 04, 2009[audio] Onion Radio News Announces Annual Poetry Contest WinnerOnion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Friday, September 04, 2009
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