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Cartoons from the Issue
A collection of cartoons from the issue, plus this week's cartoon Caption Contest.
New Yorker Monday, September 21, 2009

Pregnant And Infirm Given First H1N1 Vaccine
The Centers for Disease Control announced that vaccinations for the H1N1 virus would be given first to pregnant women and adults with compromised...
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

George W. Bush Chuckles To Self Upon Thinking About How He Was President Of The United States For Almost A Decade
DALLAS—"Huh," uttered the amused former world leader, reflecting upon how for eight years he controlled the executive branch of the most powerful nation on earth and acted as commander in chief of its 1.4 million active-duty troops. "President."
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

Sports: Athletes Can Play Through Those Injuries, Says Man Who Gets Sore From Sitting Too Long
NEW YORK—Despite his incessant complaints that resting his buttocks on a chair for prolonged periods of time causes him discomfort and pain, a man paid to provide sports analysis insisted Sunday that athletes should be able to play regardless of injuries attained through physical action.
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

In Focus: Michael Moore Honored With New Ben Jerry's Flavor
BURLINGTON, VT--The Waffle Truth will honor the dynamic visionary by combining premium vanilla ice cream with strawberries and waffle-cone bits.
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials
ST. LOUIS—Hollywood officials removed David Sinclair, 24, from the AMC Esquire 7's 9 p.m. showing of The Time Traveler's Wife Monday...
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

[video] BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS
Congress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009

Your Letters Answered: September 21, 2009
It's been ten days since our last letters update. Since that time, our readers have all gotten so darned smart, we were unable to write a single snarky or sarcastic response today. The following answers to your comments and questions are all very sincere.
The enduring vision Monday, September 21, 2009

[audio] Champagne Is Drained From Business Community Pool
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Monday, September 21, 2009


Archived humor news stories.

Available news archives.

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September 2009
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