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Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child
According to an ex-aide, former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards may have fathered a child with a videographer on his campaign staff....
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tuition In Tough Times
With the economic downturn hitting scholarship funds, how are students paying for college?Critiquing Foucault's...
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Sports: Shrewd Umpire Not About To Be Fooled By Catcher Moving Glove Into Strike Zone
SAN FRANCISCO—In a statement issued after Wednesday night's Rockies-Giants contest, home plate umpire Laz Diaz warned all catchers around the league that he is "onto their little game," and is easily able to tell when they slyly move their glove into the strike zone after catching a pitch off the plate.
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Kid With Cancer Hopes To Realize Dream Of Meeting Competent Oncologist
MINNEAPOLIS—Despite visits from Olympic snowboarder Shaun White and film actor Ryan Reynolds, 13-year-old Corey Duthers announced Tuesday...
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

[video] Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
Uganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Taser Getaway
I am defending myself, in favor of that.. *poof*
vincentchow Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Police Drug Raid Turns Wii Bowling
The police is so into the game that they play for 9 hours, all while doing a drug raid. One of them is sure happy jumping up and down for getting a strike.
vincentchow Wednesday, September 23, 2009

[video] Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck.
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

[audio] Benign Growth Recently Removed From Pope Benedict's Head Now Blessing Things On Its Own
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Local Man Not Thinking About Sex Enough
According to those around him, nearby resident Clyde Dempster does spend nearly enough time pondering, obsessing over or talking inappropriately about sex, which has some concerned for his well-being -- as well as their own.
The enduring vision Wednesday, September 23, 2009

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