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Flavored Cigarettes Banned
The FDA ban on cigarettes flavored with cloves or fruit—but not menthol—took effect this week. What do you think?
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sports: Dallas Cowboys Release Jerry Jones
IRVING, TEXAS—In an attempt to cut the franchise's losses and "move forward in a positive direction," the Dallas Cowboys severed ties with controversial owner Jerry Jones Monday, ending their tumultuous 20-year relationship with the divisive figure.
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

Couple Sneaks Away From Party For A Little Arguing
PHILADELPHIA—After consuming numerous alcoholic beverages and repeatedly locking eyes throughout the night, area couple Tracy Williams and...
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

In Focus: MTV Launches 'Rock the Census' Campaign
NEW YORK--With four years to go before 2000, MTV is already launching a campaign designed to ensure widespread Generation X participation in the decennial national census survey.
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

Opinion: My Living Nightmare Of Encouraging Kids To Read Is Over (by LeVar Burton)
Thank god.After 26 long years, I can finally rest easy. Twenty-six years I spent standing in front of a camera, gritting my teeth, and...
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sports: Andy Reid Carted Onto Field To Shake Hands With Sean Payton
PHILADELPHIA—Unable to walk off the sideline under his own power, Eagles coach Andy Reid was loaded onto a medical cart and driven to the...
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009

[audio] Second Tattoo Is Added To Explain First Tattoo
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Thursday, September 24, 2009


Archived humor news stories.

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