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Zev Borow: Spousal Support
The Association for the Advancement of Advanced Intelligence report . . . will also grapple . . . [with] probable changes in human-computer relationships. How would it be, for example, to relate to a machine that is as intelligent as your spouse?—The Times. Don’t get me wrong; my wife is great . . .
New Yorker Monday, September 28, 2009

Cartoons from the Issue
A collection of cartoons from the issue, plus this week's cartoon Caption Contest.
New Yorker Monday, September 28, 2009

British Relax Assisted-Suicide Laws
A clarification of law makes it less likely that relatives of terminally ill people will be prosecuted in England for helping a loved one end his or...
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

Pepsi To Cease Advertising
PURCHASE, NY—PepsiCo sent shockwaves through the carbonated beverage industry Monday when the multibillion dollar corporation announced that it would cease all advertising of its popular soda product, effective immediately.
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

Sports: NFL Scientists Postulate Theoretical Down Before First Down
NEW YORK—Citing the extremely low level of entropy present before a normal set of football downs, scientists from the NFL's quantum mechanics and cosmology laboratories spoke Monday of a theoretical proto-down before the first.
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

Man's Facebook Status Given Book Deal
NEW YORK—HarperCollins Publishers announced Monday that 24-year-old Islip, NY resident Gerard Dillow has accepted its offer of $250,000 to...
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

Kristen Stewart Celebrates National Ass Appreciation Day
Since September 28th has been designated National Breast Appreciation Day by stories all over the web, it appears that on Friday the 25th of September, Kristen Stewart may have created National Ass Appreciation Day. Apparently Kristen and some of...
The Spoof Monday, September 28, 2009

[video] Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act
On Raw Justice, host Dean Reid investigates the closed case of an 'accidental' fire and finds shocking new evidence of sexually motivated arson.
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

[audio] God Smites Area Man For Distracting Him From Tree Frogs
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Monday, September 28, 2009

Iran Vows Reprisals If 2016 Olympics Not Held In Iran
In the wake of recent long-range missile tests, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today threatened "swift and violent action" if the 2016 Olympics are not held in Iran.
The enduring vision Monday, September 28, 2009

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