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Polanski Arrested On 31-Year-Old Sex Charge
As he tried to enter Switzerland to receive a lifetime achievement award, filmmaker Roman Polanski was arrested in connection with the 1977 rape of...
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

After 40-Day Search, Authorities Finally Replace Missing Boy
WILMINGTON, NC—Following an exhaustive six-week search, federal and local authorities announced Monday that they have finally located a...
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Michelle Obama's Birth Certificate Is Missing
WASHINGTON, D.C. - First Lady Michelle Obama has reportedly informed Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi that her birth certificate appears to be missing. Mrs. Obama said that she recently went to look for her birth certificate when daughter Malia s...
The Spoof Tuesday, September 29, 2009

[video] Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?
Panelists debate whether games like Fallout 3 and Gears Of War 2 are teaching children skills they'll really need in the End Times.
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Opinion: It's Still Not Too Late To Greet Us As Liberators (by Gen. Ray Odierno)
Boy, how these last six years have flown by. Back in 2003, when we first arrived here in your country, we certainly didn't expect things to turn...
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Jay Leno and Bill Maher Read Sexual Emails From Politicians
Some of the best comedy these days requires nothing more than reciting politicians' own words verbatim. William Shatner did it with Sarah Palin's rambling farewell speech and nutty Tweets, to hilarious effect. On The Jay Leno Show last night, Leno and Bill Maher performed a reading of the sexualized emails sent by Gov. Mark "Appalachian Trail" Sanford and former Congressman Mark "I'm Never Too Busy to Spank It" Foley. Watch as Leno reads the love emails Sanford sent to his Argentine mistress, and Maher reads the perverted IM's Foley sent to underage male pages. With politicians like this, who needs joke writers? This Just In: ? Jon Stewart defends the NEA and school children from Republicans and Fox News ? Take a horrifying look at the Worst Political Tattoos Of All Time, courtesy of HuffPost Comedy ? Saturday night live spoofs Moammar Gadhafi's crazed and rambling U.N. speech ? Bill Maher: WTF happened to "Yes We Can"? Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter
About Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Obama Addresses U.N.
Last week, President barack obama addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Here are some of the highlights of his speech:"Who...
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Nation Demands Fresh Celebrity Meat
HOLLYWOOD, CA—""We can no longer subsist on Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears," read a statement from Citizens for Renewed Celebrity Consumption. "These fetid idols are mere shreds of their former selves, and we grow hungrier for a new crop of stars on which to feast."
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

[audio] Amateur Assassin Slits Throat From Ear To Nose
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sarah Palin Says That David Letterman Should Resign
DETROIT - Ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, in town to speak to the members of The Michigan Fender Menders Union Local 1313, has said that she believes that David Letterman should do the right thing and resign. Palin noted that Letterman admitted...
The Spoof Tuesday, September 29, 2009

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