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Ellis Weiner: Subject: Our Marketing Plan
Hi, Ellis— Let me introduce myself. My name is Gineen Klein, and I’ve been brought on as an intern to replace the promotion department here at Propensity Books. First, let me say that I absolutely love “Clancy the Doofus Beagle: A Love Story” and have . . .
New Yorker Monday, October 12, 2009

Cartoons from the Issue
A collection of cartoons from the issue, plus this week's cartoon Caption Contest.
New Yorker Monday, October 12, 2009

Barack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize
For the achievement of giving the world "hope for a better future," President barack obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. What do you...
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

Sotomayor Misses Supreme Court Case After Failing To Get Out Of Jury Duty
WASHINGTON—"I probably threw away four of those letters before I got one that said I had to appear or 'face serious penalties,' whatever that means," said Sotomayor, who was forced to appear at a nearby municipal courthouse Monday.
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

In Focus: Majority Of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report
LOS ANGELES—"My parents force me to finish my math homework before letting me watch TV," admitted "Derek," 10, a study participant and abuse victim.
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

Sports: Milwaukee Bucks Find Perfectly Good Shaq At Play It Again Sports
MILWAUKEE—While shopping for used equipment at a local Play It Again Sports franchise Tuesday, Bucks general manager John Hammond reportedly...
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

Study: Majority Of 'Calm Downs' Ineffective
ITHACA, NY—A study published recently in the Journal Of Mental Health found that attempting to reverse a loud emotional display by...
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

[video] Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire
White House officials are confident the President will be able to convince the wildfire to stop incinerating large swaths of land and American homes.
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009

[audio] Body Found In Last Place Police Thought To Look
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Monday, October 12, 2009


Archived humor news stories.

Available news archives.

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October 2009
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September 2009
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