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Rehab Stories Can Drive You To Drink
Are Celebrity Rehabilitation Stories Worth Wining About? I've never really understood the complex world of Hollywood, or the business behind celebrities....
The Toque Thursday, October 15, 2009

Passing Wind Is Good For Your Sex Life
Science Has Just Discovered One More Good Reason To Fart Men are pigs. There's no denying that fact, and no reason...
The Toque Thursday, October 15, 2009

Republican Site Crashes
GOP.com, the new social networking site for Republicans, crashed hours after it was launched on Tuesday. What do you think?
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

Sports: Raiders Achieve First Down
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In an improbable display of competence and a basic execution of football fundamentals, the Oakland Raiders stunned the football world Sunday when running back Michael Bush miraculously rushed for three yards against the Giants and succeeded in converting a first down.
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

Every Day Of Local Dad's Life An Endless Battle To Hold On To Good Pen
WEEHAWKEN, NJ—Family members confirmed Monday that Weehawken father of three Ken Irvine wakes up every morning prepared to die in order to...
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

In Focus: Closing Of Homeless Shelter Leaves College-Application-Padding Students With Nowhere To Turn
NEW YORK—The shelter provided a safe place to improve students' transcripts, allowing them to escape from the dangers of cleaning up inner-city neighborhoods.
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

Opinion: Aw, Who Am I Kidding? I'm No Match For Stains (by Tide)
For more than 60 years, I have been recognized far and wide as America's foremost stain-fighter. I'm sure you've all heard the ad copy: Tide is...
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

[video] Stalker Financial Expert Offers Recession Tips Just for Woman He Follows
Dan Kellogg visits Today NOW! with money tips for one particular woman who forgot to close her bedroom drapes last night.
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

Sports: Not Knowing How To Celebrate, A-Rod Breaks Champagne Bottle Over Teammates' Heads
MINNEAPOLIS—Following the Yankees' Game 3 victory over the Twins in the ALDS Sunday, Alex Rodriguez demonstrated a complete lack of...
The onion Thursday, October 15, 2009

The 10 Funniest Signs at the National Equality March
They're here, they're queer, and they're waving fabulous homemade signs. See a collection of the 10 funniest signs carried by gay rights activists at last weekend's National Equality March on Washington. For more adventures in signage, check out our complete gallery of funny political protest signs. This Just In: ? The Daily Show takes on FOX for not covering the gay rights march after giving wall-to-wall coverage to the tea party protests ? Watch Sarah Silverman's campaign to end hunger: "Sell The Vatican, Save The World" ? Jon Stewart takes on the 30 Republicans who voted against Al Franken's anti-rape amendment ? David Letterman presents Things More Fun Than Reading The Sarah Palin Memoir ? Borowitz Report: GOP Claims Olympia Snowe Was Born in Kenya ? Jon Stewart slams CNN for fact-checking Saturday night live while allowing politicians to freely lie without being challenged ? the onion: Obama to Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire ? SNL takes on Obama's Nobel
About Thursday, October 15, 2009

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