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Latvian Meteor Strike A Hoax
A Latvian mobile phone company has admitted it staged a meteor strike outside the town of Mazsalaca as a publicity stunt. What do you think?
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sports: Phillies Hope To End 364-Day World Series Drought
PHILADELPHIA—The last time the Philadelphia Phillies brought a World Series title back to the City of Brotherly Love, the nation's financial sector was in complete ruin, the cost of a gallon of milk was only $2.74, fans watched the Fall...
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

I Got Some Sweet New Digs (by Jim Anchower)
Hola, amigos. How's it going? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been cheek-deep in a ditch of shit. First of all, the...
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

In Focus: State Of Minnesota Too Polite To Ask For Federal Funding
ST. PAUL, MN--Although many of its highways and bridges are in severe disrepair, the traditionally undemanding state of Minnesota isn't comfortable asking for more interstate funding, sources reported Monday.
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson say they are fed up with the world
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson say they are tired of society and its bias against their relationship. They want to start a family together and have decided to move to a Tibetan Shangri-La to do it. Lohan says that she and Ronson will be adopti...
The Spoof Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sports: Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneers' Defense
LONDON—Despite their lack of experience watching American football and their unfamiliarity with all but the most basic principles of the...
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

World-Weary Sigh Emanates From Next Bathroom Stall
SCHAUMBURG, IL—A deep, drawn-out, world-weary sigh emanated from an occupied bathroom stall at a local office building Monday, witnesses...
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

In Focus: Halloween Safety Tips
Halloween, though lots of frightful fun, can also be full of potential dangers. Here are some tips to make your kids' All Saints' Eve an All "Safe" Eve:
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

[audio] Department Of Transportation To Add Earth-Friendly Walking Lanes To Highways
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween and Political Hijinks
Here are some politically-inspired tricks and treats for Halloween: ? One of the most popular Halloween masks this year is "Barakula," a vampire version of President Obama. Another best seller, the Bernie Madoff "Mr. Ponzi" mask, is a sure bet to scare children. ? Need a last-minute mask? You can't go wrong with these handy cut-out masks of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rod Blagojevich, or Kanye West, courtesy of HuffPost Comedy. ? The Daily Show brings you Ten Spooktastic Halloween Costume Ideas ? Bill Maher presents the Republican House of Horrors ? Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network is warning against demonic Halloween candy, which it claims has been "dedicated and prayed over by witches" ? View a series of political cartoons about Halloween 2009 This Week's Political Humor Highlights ? Stephen Colbert suggests breeding a master race to solve the health care crisis ? Jon Stewart takes on the media and Joe Lieberman over the public option: "You know what's worse
About Thursday, October 29, 2009

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