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SEXUAL PROTECTION
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
naughty.com

Michigan cops help couple break the chains of love
If you love something, set it free. And if you can't, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reports police in suburban Detroit responded to a call Thursday by a man who handcuffed his wife to their bed but misplaced the key. Dearborn police used a universal...
Sfgate

Cops follow snow tracks, make pizza theft arrests
Robbers might think twice about committing a crime when there's snow on the ground. Or at least not head right home. That's the lesson after police followed footprints from where a pizza delivery man was robbed to a house on the same block and arrested four teens late Tuesday.
boston.com

Obama top wise man in Naples nativity figures
NAPLES (Reuters) - President-elect Barack Obama and his wife Michelle are appearing in Italian nativity scenes this year, alongside the baby Jesus and wise men, according to Naples craftsmen selling figurines in the run-up to Christmas.
Reuters

Man sprays `toilet-papering` teens with fox urine
A 50-year-old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet-papering his house decided to defend his property -- with a squirt gun filled with fox urine. Now, Scott Wagar is in trouble with the law.
boston.com

Man handcuffs his wife to the bed, but loses key
If you love something, set it free. And if you can't, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reported police responded to a call Thursday morning by a Dearborn man who handcuffed his wife to their bed but misplaced the key.
boston.com

Man brings 11-inch knife to court in walking stick (AP)
AP - Police arrested a man who brought an 11-inch knife concealed in a walking cane to a court appointment. Police said the man concealed the blade in a cobra-head walking stick when he was to report to the Johnson County Courthouse on charges of violating a domestic-abuse protective order on Tuesday.
KTRK

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