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Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at park
SANDUSKY, Ohio -- An Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at a public park said he just wanted to make his city look nice. John Hamilton said he took control of the situation because the grass in Sandusky's Central Park was about a foot high. According to a police report, a witness said Hamilton was blowing grass onto the sidewalk and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up.
KTRK

Ore. man accused of trying to burn post office
ROSEBURG, Ore. -- A man accused of trying to burn down a post office to protest the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan has been charged with attempted arson. The Register-Guard newspaper reported a 45-year-old man was arrested Tuesday in front of the post office holding a beer, a hammer and a propane torch.
Seattle Post Intelligencer

[audio] Peter Gallagher Once Again Named `Eyebrow` Magazine Man Of The Year
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The onion

BLONDE PAINTS THE PORCH
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 'Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?'The blonde said 'How about 50 dollars?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, 'Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?'The man replied, 'She should. She was standing on the porch.'A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.'You're finished already?' he asked.'Yes,' the blonde answered, 'and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.'
naughty.com

Best Weird News Stories 2007
Feast your eyes on 2007's best weird news stories: "Man Marries Dog," "The $54 Million Pants Suit," and other unbelievable yet true highlights from the past year.
KTRK

Brazen parrot steals passport, heads into bush
Polly wants a passport _ and isn't above stealing one. A brazen parrot, which spotted a Scottish man's passport in a colored bag in the luggage compartment under a tour bus, nabbed the document and made off into dense bush with it, the Southland Times...
SF Gate

Man Realizes He Has No Interests
PALM COAST, FL—After attempting to fill out his personal profile on an Internet dating site, area resident Sam Stanger came to the...
The onion

E-E-T: Southwest Bags Children, Michael Bloomberg Apologizes (Kind Of) And Google Waves
(Washington, D.C.) The U.S. economy shrank to a 5.7 percent annual pace in the first quarter of 2009, ending its worst drop in five decades due to declines in housing, inventories and business investments. However, a ray of hope, the White House General Accounting Office (GAO), the budget arm of the Executive Office, said that if 'one time items' such as 'Bernie Madoff and AIG' were factored out, the economy only shrank 5.689%.
unconfirmedsources.com

Man sentenced for breaking into jail to deal drugs
A man caught breaking into the Miller County Jail last summer will soon leave his cell there for one in an Arkansas prison. Bobby Finley, 20, was accused of planning to sell drugs and tobacco inside the jail. Finley pleaded guilty Thursday to five felony counts and was sentenced to a total of 19 years in prison. But the sentences ...
Boston

John F. Kennedy (1917)
A decorated veteran of World War II, John F. Kennedy was the youngest man and first Catholic to be elected US President, serving from 1961 until his assassination in 1963. In office, Kennedy drafted an ambitious domestic program, but his administration soon became enmeshed in a series of foreign crises, including the Space Race, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the failed Bay of Pigs invasion, and the Vietnam War. What technological medium is credited with helping Kennedy win the presidency? Discuss
Thefreedictionary

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